Wahoo!!!!

1)  So last weekend was the Bourdain & Ripert event that I mentioned I would attend. I didn’t quite know what to expect heading in, I just hoped that it would be entertaining. Boy was it ever!  A recap of what I learned:

• John McEnroe is the only person banned from dining at Le Bernardin. Perhaps it had something to do with this, but Ripert indicated that it goes beyond the rough appearance on Letterman.
• The Situation, of all people, has had a private tour of the Le Bernardin kitchen. Bourdain made it a point to give Ripert shit for this.
• Bourdain doesn’t dislike Guy Fieri. He would feel bad for anyone “who has to wake up every morning, throw on a flame suit, and eat denver omelets at a bunch of diners, drive-ins, and meth labs.”
• Bourdain and Ripert dislike Paula Deen and her portrayal of “southern cookin”.
• Bourdain describes the worst tasting dish he ever sampled on Top Chef as what he imagines felching would taste like. I won’t provide a link for that one.

2)  Tomorrow night, Ratty and I are heading to Incanto for dinner.  I hear they do some funky things with their meat (TWSS).  Chris Cosentino seems like he knows his stuff, so my expectations are pretty high! By the way, I strongly believe that the meat cone at Boccalone for $3.50 is one of the best deals in the city.

Boccalone meat cone!

3)  Right now I’m eating Trader Joe’s beef bolognese ravioli. They’re disgusting edible.

It’s not something he can help either. It’s a permanent look on his face. It is his face. He’s always sniffing his farts, and he’s generally satisfied with the results. You shouldn’t expect anything less from a chef of his caliber.

I’m blessed enough to have the privilege  to see “the ripper” himself tomorrow night, talking about food, with none other than Anthony Bourdain.

I can’t wait for this show; food lovers everywhere should be envious. Who’s smelling their own farts now!?!

Me, for how my Brisket will turn out…

Or Eli, for how he will recover after choking tomorrow…

… Go Pats (by default)!!!

On the way back from a shmeh filled weekend in Yountville, Ratty and I stopped at The Fremont Diner, which we had eyed on the way out there.  There was quite a line of people outside, and luckily, we decided to wait it out.

I know what you’re thinking… “If it’s so good, how come Guy Fieri hasn’t been there yet?”

Ummm probably because he’s not welcome inside. I wouldn’t let that oversized porcupine run his mouth in my hidden gem either.

Take a look at the menu and tell me it doesn’t sound amazing.

“Ohhh David I’ve had a lot of good lunches in the bay area. How’s ya know this is THE best?”

Seriously negative fucking nancy, knock it off. Just take my word for it…

My gal and I had the pimento cheese plate, reuben sandwich, and whole hog (pork sandwich). Everything was, for lack of a better phrase, out of bounds. I haven’t brushed my teeth since devouring this meal. The taste is mostly gone now, but hopefully I’ll find a good chunk of leftovers when I go to floss in a few weeks.

The Fremont Diner could give me a completely mediocre meal the next time I go, and I would still consider it the best lunch spot in the bay.  Go. Rent a car if you have to. Take a taxi, I’ll reimburse you. Just go.

Pimento Goodness

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Maxim Magazine just named Paula Deen the hottest female chef.  Am I missing something? Are we talking about the same person?

I don’t really have anything else to say about this.  I feel bad for Giada.

Check out Deen being a creep to Matt Lauer here.

Her laugh haunts me.

THE GOOD

• Iron Chef: The only show that I consistently watch on TFN.  It’s fun watching Morimoto, Bobby Flay, and Mario Batali create five awesome looking dishes in just an hour.  I love trying to guess what the secret ingredient will be before it’s revealed. I’ve never gotten it right, but I’ll keep trying.  ”And the secret ingredient is…… rat poison!!!”

• Barefoot Contessa: I wish I knew Ina Garten. She seems like one of the nicest people alive. And her voice!!! So soothing.

• Giada DeLaurentiis: Ahem.

THE BAD

• Paula’s Best Dishes: Yes, the name of this show is an oxymoron, as I’ve said before. Mrs. Deen is a pervert and makes disgusting food.  Nuff said.

• Semi-Homemade Cooking: Sandra Lee is bad. Really bad.  She hardly cooks, yet TFN refers to her as a “culinary expert”. A culinary expert that creates such culturally sensitive dishes like the Kwanzaa Cake.

THE UGLY

• Guy Fieri and Anne Burrell.  Are they for sure not related? Not twins?  They sure as hell are frightening to look at.

Alas, below is a list of the finer establishments that I have had the pleasure of dining at this year, and a brief review of each. So pour yourself a glass of Chardonnay (and not one of those cheap, buttery California Chardonnay’s… try a 2006 Bourgogne Chardonnay for pete’s sake), bust out some fine caviar, and heat up the cheez whiz (for the pasta sauce)!

• Aziza (San Fran): So f’ing good. Hands down my favorite restaurant I’ve been to in San Francisco.  And the cocktails? Addicting.  A well-deserved Michelin star.
• Cyrus (Healdsburg): I see your Michelin star and raise you one! That’s two Michelin stars, numbers can be tricky.  Cyrus ranks as one of my top 3 favorite meals of my life.  My first experience with a real tasting menu, and the food and service went well beyond my expectations.
• Ad Hoc (Yountville): T Kel in the house, what what! Yea… great place.
• Mission Chinese Food (San Fran): The food here is great, but I include this on my list more for the fact that it was ranked the 2nd best new restaurant by Bon Appetitty. That’s quite a feat! But still, it’s one of the best affordable restaurants I’ve been to.
• Husk (Charleston): I see your 2nd best new restaurant and raise you one! That’s the best new restaurant in America (per Bon Appetitty), numbers can be tricky. Unlike M.C.F., Husk disappointed me with their food. Not to mention that doofus of a waiter we had.  Still, I’m very happy to say that I’ve been here.
• Circa 1886 (Charleston): If it wasn’t Cyrus, then Circa 1886 must be the best meal I enjoyed (so far) this year.  Tiny restaurant in a beautiful Victorian mansion, this place amazed on all levels. It was simply the bees knees.
• The Olde Pink House (Savannah): Another great meal in a wonderful setting.  This pink mansion has something like 13 dining rooms, all with a different theme. And the food was rock star from Mars quality.

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/entertainment/2011/10/andrew-zimmern-on-whats-wrong-and-right-with-american-food/

If I were to be stranded on a desert (dessert?) island, and I could only bring two beverages with me, one of them would definitely by an IPA. No, the other would not be purified water.  I’d pull a Kevin Costner and drink my own piss so I could bring whiskey on that damned island.

I digress.  I really like IPA’s.  To put it in Simple Jack lingo, they taste really good to me. I’ve come up with MY own list of favorite IPA’s.  I swear I’m not biased… it should be common knowledge that California makes the best IPA’s. The best beer in general for that matter… with an emphasis on San Diego beers. DUH!

5) Hop Stoopid, by Lagunitas:

I go back and forth with this beer. I’ve had my fair share of great Hop Stoopid beers, as well as enough bottles that taste a bit off for me to question this beer altogether.  When it’s off, it smells like a Viking’s asshole.  But when it’s on… let me tell you, it’s a solid IPA.

4) Wipeout IPA, by Port Brewing:

A solid beer. I really picked this because Port had to be represented in this list; they make outstanding beers.  This just so happens to be their most recognizable IPA.  LET ME TELL YOU, I’ve had some lesser known Port IPA’s, and they’re even better than the Wipeout… AND THAT’s saying something, because the Wipeout is pretty gosh darn good! Sorry for yelling.

3) Sublimely Self-Righteuous Ale, by Stone Brew:

The most outside-the-box IPA that makes MY list.  This classic by Stone (a classic brewery itself!) is technically a Black IPA.  Don’t call me racist… I’m applauding it, not discriminating against it.  I’ve never had an IPA that is this dark in color.  And for how dark it pours, it is surprisingly light, YET FLAVORFUL, upon taste.  Stone makes amazing beers, but this is one of my all time favorites.  Bravo. Braaaavo.

2) Pliny the Elder, by Russian River:

No shit, right?  I don’t know what else can be said about this beer that hasn’t already been said.  It’s simply the tits.

1) Sculpin IPA, by Ballast Point:

For me this is a no-brainer.  For you… maybe not so much, because you probably haven’t taken the time out of your busy schedule to try this magnificent beer. Well trust me, IT’S WORTH YOUR TIME! First off, Ballast Point makes some of the best beer this world has ever seen.  Second of all… JUST TRY IT!!!! I literally just had one of these less than an hour ago, and it inspired me to write this analytical masterpiece.  Sculpin is smooth yet flavorful, hoppy yet smooth, and smooth yet crispy.  I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a pretty smooth beer to me.